Those words... were on the tip of my tongue today. My day started out well after a refreshing and rejuvenating weekend. I woke up early, packed lunch for my best, made breakfast for the kids, and got to work on today's "mom school." I planned out inspiration for my girls. We were going to read from the Bible... we are up to Esther now which is one of my favorite stories. I planned to talk about choices and cover some modern day heroes. I chose Corrie Ten Boom and a new book about the women's suffrage movement that we've been studying. Then we would go worm hunting on the sidewalks and put the worms back in the dirt where they belong.
As the kids starting rolling out of bed... the tension began. Even before breakfast I quelled two different quibbles... by 10 am I had one child in a hysterical melt-down and two others bickering non-stop. As I tried to calm the explosive child... those words... almost came out of my mouth.
"I can't do this..."
I started to fantasize about a morning with only one child at home. What would it be like to have some one-on-one time with my three-year-old. How nice would it be to not have to listen to fighting every morning? I wonder what a nap would feel like...? Am I ruining my kids? What makes me think I'm qualified to do this? I'll bet my house would be a lot cleaner... Just think of all the laundry I could fold. All the books I could read... Maybe I could take a class.
The thoughts just kept coming. I pursed my lips, and tucked the now-calmer child [back] into bed. But the tone was set for the rest of the day.
We didn't learn about Corrie Ten Boom... or women's suffrage... we were lucky to even get in a few minutes of math.
The kids let the dog out to play in the rain... and then back inside where she shook her muddy coat... in the kitchen... Mud splatters everywhere! Somebody dragged the dog bed outside in between rainstorms (OK... it was me... I was trying to air it out and I thought we were done with the rain!) and now it's SOAKING wet.
During the brief window of blue skies, we tried to go for a walk.. and made it exactly three houses away before I had to carry my screaming three-year-old back home... with her flailing body in one arm and her three-wheeled scooter in the other.
Defeated, I piled the kids into the car to get groceries [and dinner] at Costco. Naturally I ran into one of my very put-together and classy neighbors... and realized I was still caked with mud from the kitchen incident... Aaaand at least one child was still wearing pajamas. Just... Awesome.
I drove home through a hail storm... after I spent my wonderful weekend planting my garden.Sure enough... At least half of my plants are shredded. The sorest loss is my brand new grape vine... which is broken in half. I've already hidden [at least] once in the garage with a bag full of M&M's (I'm talking Costco size people!) and I'll probably do it again before the night is over.
Deep breath.
I'm trying to remind myself that meltdowns would still happen if I weren't homeschooling. I just might not "get" to witness them as often. There would still be fighting... and I probably wouldn't have any extra time for laundry between carpool and PTA. I chose this. For a reason.
