Morning Meeting

Anytime I mention that we home school, I almost always get asked.... "Why?" Although sometimes the question comes out like this:  

"Why?!"

more often than not, it's just an honest inquisition. So what road did we turn on to to lead us to this point? Well, there was definitely not one single road that led us to this destination, but a series of twists and turns and curves along the way. 

I had actually wanted to home school for quite some time- since my oldest was in 3rd or 4th grade.. but there were just too many hurdles at that point- some I built and placed myself... others were put in place by the people around me. My son, my husband, relatives, employment and a myriad of other reasons kept me from following my gut instinct. But as time went on, the feeling grew stronger and more insistent. 

The first major intersection I crossed in my journey was my last pregnancy. I was so sick that I honestly felt near death for months at a time. (I'm so sorry if any of you can relate!) I basically laid on the couch for months at a time and if anybody even bumped me I'd throw up. Somehow life went on around me. The kids were able to survive, but I deeply regretted missing so much. I wasn't able to get up and play with them, take them places or even cuddle. When the pregnancy was over and I was finally feeling more like myself I was keenly aware of how much time I was missing out on every time they got on that school bus. I missed them terribly! To compound the feeling, just days after the baby was born my oldest moved out...

That went way too fast...

It made me realize how much we take time for granted. I felt like the majority of his life was spent away from me while he was sitting with strange teachers and bus drivers. And when he was home, at least 50% of the time was soaked up with homework and fights over grades. There was so much that I missed! Every time I looked at my sweet little baby- I had visions of her moving out too. I felt like I wanted to freeze time and hold onto every.. single.. moment... 

I feel incredibly humbled and blessed to be a mother. “Children” we are told, “are a heritage of the Lord;” [Psalm 127:3.] I was feeling the full weight of my stewardship over these precious little ones. I felt that there is such an important message to be taught... and I have little time to teach it. There are just not enough hours in the day for me to teach what I want them to learn. I wanted to teach them to have faith in the Lord. I wanted them to understand God's love for them. Yet, they had more hours of the day with a teacher who didn't know them- in a school where God is not allowed- than with me....  

^{So I made a list. I listed all the goals I have in being a mother. Grades... didn't even make the cut. One of my biggest regrets in life was spending so much time worrying about somebody else's standards for my son. I felt strongly that my children's education should be between them, the Lord, and their parents. For us, sending them away to school was just not going to work. So I dove in- headfirst- with little research, hardly any planning, and no experience. We are one year into our journey and I am more in love with being a mom every day. I love having them home with me. They love being home with me. And I feel like not only are they learning math and reading... but more importantly they are learning about God and family.} 

^{I am excited for a new "school year" to start. I have so many ideas and so much fun planned. The last few weeks I have been working on their morning meeting assignments that we work on around the family table. (We have a "meeting" every morning where we do a few math practice problems, some copy work, some scripture study, and a moment of gratitude.) This year I am adding something new to the mix. Instead of just scripture study, I am adding secret little messages of encouragement and direction. My kids LOVE puzzles and clues so I'm sure they will love finding the hidden message in the scriptures every week. Click on the picture to see the entire document.}

Jesus Freak

The other night I had a dream. In my dream I was with my children at a public place. I don't know where... I don't think it matters. As I was following my girls through the crowd I walked by an old friend. This was one of my closest, most genuine friends who, after a falling out, I haven't spoken to in about a year... In my dream as I walked by, I saw her. I saw that she saw me... and we both kept walking our separate ways. As I walked away, every step became heavier... and heavier... and more and more painful until I could bear it no more. With tears in my eyes I turned back and ran to find her. As I ran back I saw that she too had turned. Midway we met again and embraced.

When I woke the next morning... it was hard to adjust to reality. It was one of those dreams that you had to really consider whether it was true or not. Did that really happen? Or was it just a dream... My hope is that although it was in truth just a dream, it can also be much more than that. I feel as if, in sharing this dream with you, I should give you some back story to put it into perspective.

I am Mormon. She is not.

I thought about (and even wrote out) a lengthy explanation of the reason our friendship has gone by the wayside... but that is what it really boils down to- as shameful as it is for me to admit. When I met her we were sisters in the gospel of Jesus Christ. We were both members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. But we shared much more in common than our religion. We both suffered through traumatic childhoods and I often looked to her for strength and courage to face my past. I also looked to her for courage to face my future. She helped me to become more self-reliant and was a testimony to me of spiritual and worldly preparedness. Ironically, in many ways my testimony was strengthened by her example. Even after she left the church I looked to her to see how I could better serve the Lord.

Ultimately there were aspects of the restored gospel that she just couldn't accept. They didn't sit right with her. She has since been very vocally opposed to the Mormon church and shares her new testimony of a different Jesus every opportunity she gets.  She has been labeled a "Jesus freak", I'm sure, by many more than just Mormons...

And it gets me thinking... why aren't we all out there sharing the message of Jesus Christ every opportunity we get? Why aren't all the Mormons being labeled Jesus freaks? Okay, yes.. I realize some of us are. But am I? When we partake of the sacrament we witness that we are willing to take upon us the name of Jesus Christ, and always remember him and keep his commandments ... (D&C 20:77; Moro. 4:3.) But what does that mean? I'm sure it means many things, but to me it means becoming His ambassador. It means sharing the message of His atoning sacrifice. It means spreading hope. 


The Apostle Peter taught the church in his day that we should “sanctify the Lord God in [our] hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh [us] a reason of the hope that is in [us].” (1 Pet. 3:15.) And in the Doctrine in Covenants we learn to, “Take upon ...the name of Christ, and speak the truth in soberness.” (D&C 18:21.) 
I think sometimes those of us in the Mormon church get so caught up in sharing the gospel that we forget to add in the most important part... "of Jesus Christ". We share with each other conversion stories that came through amazing experiences of mutual, scouting, primary, enrichment nights, and ward parties but we leave out the most important part. Jesus Christ. I get it... It's sacred. It's hard to share this sacred knowledge and do so respectfully... with the reverence He deserves. So we skirt around and talk about the church... instead of His church. We teach our children but to those outside of our faith we fail to be frank for fear of offending or starting controversy. President Gordon B Hinckley taught that we should "...simply, quietly, and without apology testify that God has revealed Himself and His Beloved Son in opening this full and final dispensation of His work. We must not become disagreeable as we talk of doctrinal differences. But we can never surrender that knowledge which has come to us through revelation. Let us never forget that this is a restoration of [the Savior’s Church]. "

During the last conversation I had with my friend, she essentially told me that she loves me, the person, but cannot be friends with me, the Mormon. I told her those two people are one in the same. I told her "I am Mormon. It is not just a religion to me, but a way of life. A part of who I am and the one does not come without the other." I would expound upon that, if I could. I would explain to her that I have promised to be willing to take upon myself the name of Jesus Christ. I promised to be a witness to His glory. I promised to spread His love and His hope.  "Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast..." (Hebrews 6:4) 

Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is an anchor to my soul. I believe. I know it to be the gospel of Jesus Christ. I will not apologize for my faith nor can I turn my back on what I know to be true. However; I hold my friend in deep regard. She does great good in this world and whether she is bringing souls into the church, she is helping to spread the message of Jesus Christ. I am still learning from her example. I hope someday that my dream can come to fruition. That we will find our middle ground and stop trying to prove each other wrong. 

We need to embrace the good in one another 

and forget about the rest.

Where does our money go?!

We have a modest home... In a decent middle class neighborhood. We were fortunate to have bought our home during the recession in 2003. The land we purchased was bank-owned and we put plenty of sweat-equity into the building. Since that time we have been able to avoid home equity lines or adding more money into a refinance.

When we bought our home eleven years ago, we had one child, already in school, and we both worked. Our combined income was just over the average for our area. We had two small car payments, my student loan, and some credit card debt. My job provided benefits and a 401K. With our modest income we were soon able to pay off one of our cars... and then our mortgage company upped our escrow account payment by almost that exact amount per month! Soon after, my student loan was paid off... and we found ourselves needing to buy a new (used) car. (We were expecting baby number two and we both drove 2-door coupes which would not fit a carseat.) We financed it. Our payment was about the same as my student loan...Next we nailed our credit card debt. And along came baby #3...

This was one of those life-altering, faith building, get on your knees and pray moments in our lives. We both felt that it was time I quit my job and stay at home full time. At that point we didn't know how we would replace my income, but we acted on faith and knew the Lord would provide if we followed His counsel. Which He did. My husband went to his boss and asked for a raise. That helped, although we were still short nearly $1000 per month. At one point, when the bills were coming due and the bank account was empty, I got on my knees and prayed. I felt that we should fast and the next day at church we paid triple our usual fast offerings. It was a total act of faith considering we really had no money to give. The very next day, Monday morning, my husband was given the opportunity to pick up some side jobs. The pay, after tithes and taxes, was enough to meet our financial obligations... and buy a tub of ice cream!

We eventually, through pay negotiations and the paying off of debts, were able to truly become a one-income family and not depend so heavily on side jobs. Still, money has been tight. When one bill was paid off, another seemed to pop up in it's place. When my husband got a raise, we would find we had an added expense. Always one step forward, one step back. This has been the story of our married lives. We have always had just enough. It's like our finances are on a treadmill- always running but never really going anywhere. We have been diligent in paying tithes, putting money into savings, and paying off debts, but have seldom had money for anything else. Honestly, it can be discouraging. 

Of all things mundane and uninteresting our family's budget is definitely not one of them. I have become excellent at budgeting and find all kinds of creative ways to save money. But still I have my bouts of melancholy. Through one such bout, I looked up the average spending patterns of an American family. I actually, truthfully sat there having a pity party while I poured over numbers comparing ourselves to everybody else. I realized we are no longer just above average income... in fact we are now well below it! 

If only the Lord would bless us with more than just enough I am sure I could put that money to good use. How much more could I serve Him if I wasn't spending so many hours in a day just trying to make ends meet? How much more could I donate? How much more could I enrich my children's lives with museum memberships and lessons and everything else that is good! Besides that, I realized... my definition of just enough has been changing slowly over the last few years as we seem to be getting squeezed from all directions. Loss of benefits and loss of pay on one side and the raising cost of food, insurance, gas and well... everything on the other. It's not fair!!!

And then I stopped... and realized what we've done. Somehow, with our insignificant income, we've been able to stay out of debt. We've been able to pay for swimming lessons for my girls. We've been able to eat a healthy home-made diet. We've been able to run and play and have time together as a family. We've been able to have daddy dates once a month. We have phones, and internet and we even bought a puppy! The point is-

 instead of being discouraged about having just enough I needed to appreciate the abundance that our financial struggles have brought us.  

That said, I am always on the lookout for new and interesting ways to save money. Please share your thoughts and tips with me. And if you are interested, and promise to only use this information to inspire and uplift instead of depress and discourage here is the research that I did on average family expenditures. I included, for the most part, what we spend as comparison. (Yikes! Getting personal here!) This is not an all-inclusive budget. I didn't include miscellaneous expenses. 

Average gross monthly household income for Utah: $4624

[Ours... is less]

Average taxes paid in Utah: $275/month

[We paid just less than average]

Average grocery bill: $584 (for a family of 4)

[We spend between $250 and $350 per month... and we are a family of 6!]

Average clothing cost: $157/month

[We budget for $30/month]

Average health insurance: $1333 (workers usually pay more than 1/4 of that or $380/month)

[We pay $400 per month. We get no benefits through an employer. We make due with "substandard" insurance...]

Average cost of transportation: $1545/mo - This is including insurance, car maintenance, and car payments with a national gas price average of $3.66 (wow!)

[we spend about $450- we have no car payments, my husband drives a civic and I keep my driving to a minimum]

average cost of utilities: $304 

[we spend $300]

Average cost of housing (in the West): $1640 - This includes dwelling (rent or mortgage), and insurance

[We spend $960]

average cost of household/housekeeping costs: $139
[We budget $100]

Average cost of furnishings and appliances: $125
[We add this into our household expenses]

Charitable Donations: The average is anywhere from 2-10% depending on your income bracket while the 10% average doesn't apply until the income bracket of $250,000/year. Wow... 

[We pay much more than average... not hard apparently...]

Average Entertainment cost: $235 

[We budget $50/month]

Average on Personal Care: 254/mo

[This one surprised me! We don't even have a line on our budget for this one. If I get my hair done I usually have to pull from the grocery budget... and I cut my husband's hair.]

Did you notice what I noticed? If we all spent the average while earning an average income... we would all be very much in debt! 

Family Table Menu

I guess we are a visual family because when I plan my menu, my family goes nuts over this system! I have been planning my menu this way for years; but about a year ago I had a light bulb click on and realized this would be a fun way to get the family involved in our menu plan. I created a magnetic menu board complete with pictured magnets of all our favorite meals. I've actually separated my recipes into cost categories (high, medium, and low) and each family member gets to choose one high cost meal each month. The rest are filled in with medium and low cost meals. On months where we have extra expenses (like next month when all of our vehicles are due for registration...) we plan mostly low cost meals. It makes it a lot easier for me to budget this way. I still save all of my menus to reference for ideas later on by taking pictures and I have several blank magnets that I can fill in as I discover new recipes. I update my magnets once every few months to add these in with pictures. 

To keep things organized I keep my extra magnets on magnetic sheets that I hole punched and put into my recipe binder. When we put together each month's menu, I pull the recipes that I need to the front of the binder and jot down a shopping list. And instead of saying no to any of their choices I use a bit of loving logic and remove any of the magnets that I'm not willing to cook that month (like corned beef cabbage in July...). I also have a rule that they can choose the meals, but I get to choose the days that I cook them. This allows me to plan easy meals for busy days and save the more elaborate meals for the weekends and days off from school. 

My girls love to choose the meals and the pictures really help them put a name to the food they like. I've also noticed that they are a lot less picky since we have been using this system. Who knows, maybe they're just growing up! But I like to think that my brilliant idea helped a little...My husband checks the menu board every morning before he goes to work and the best part is that if I need to make some changes as the month progresses, it's super easy to swap magnets without anybody noticing; with the exception of their favorites of course!

Sweetened Condensed Milk and Hello Again!

I recently enjoyed a little reunion with a couple of my very best friends from high school. It was fun to catch up and meet each other’s children and just see where we are now in life. As I described my life I’m sure there was some surprise on their end… and honestly, I get it. As an academia driven high school girl I pictured myself in board meetings or running my own company at this point in my life. I actually already had a family at that point (I was a teenage mom) and determined not to become a statistic. I talked often of making something of myself and stepping outside the stereotype. I also talked often of my very small opinion of those domestic slaves we call stay-at-home-moms. At one point I told my friend that my aspiration in life was to earn the Nobel Prize. Fast forward 15 years later… I am a homemaker.

And I love it.

Seriously. I love everything there is about my job. I love to budget and plan menus. I love to kiss boo-boos and change diapers. I love to go grocery shopping and pull weeds. I loved to teach my kids and create lesson plans (we home school). And I love to cook! Which constantly surprises even me since I was so lousy at it before I was married. I mean, I literally could not boil water. (How many times did I set off the smoke alarm by burning Teflon in an empty pot? I stopped counting after three.) Okay…In the interest of full disclosure I don’t love folding laundry or scrubbing toilets. I'm actually a terrible housekeeper, but on the flip side, I love that I have the opportunity to keep trying and learning and getting better.

Last night I wanted to make caramel brownies (my family calls them “Good Brownies”). As I got all the ingredients out I realized that I didn’t have any sweetened condensed milk for my favorite caramel recipe. No problem. My domestication has actually reached the point that I have a recipe for sweetened condensed milk. The night was saved! The recipe is super simple and I will add it to the end of this post.

But first, for those who are new to my blog (which is nearly everybody seeing as I haven’t posted in nearly 3 years…) I wanted to point out a few changes. I’ve decided to rename my blog “The Family Table”. To me, this is where all things domestic revolve. My family table is the center of our home. We share our meals, play games, do art projects, learn math and reading, and plan our days all around our family table. I want this blog to incorporate all of that! I am hoping to share with you fun things we do in our home school, housekeeping tips that I am working/struggling with, garden successes and failures, and of course lots of yummy recipes. In a world that sometimes devalues the role of the stay-at-home mom, basically I want to share with you all the reasons that I love my job. And incidentally, I wouldn’t trade it for a hundred Nobel Prizes!

Sweetened Condensed Milk

1 cup dry milk

1 cup sugar

½ cup boiling water

¼ cup melted butter

Combine all ingredients in a sturdy, heat proof bowl and whisk until smooth. That’s it. You’re done. If you want it to be even easier, add the water and butter first into a good quality blender. Then add the sugar and milk. Blend until smooth. One recipe is about the equivalent to a 15 oz. can of sweetened condensed milk.